MONOLOGUE: Ruby Romantic.

Ruby Romantic

How lucky can I be? What did I do to make someone repay an unearthly debt as large as this? Maybe it’s ironic, to find something so beautiful that I can call mine but know I will die for. Maybe that’s the catch, to touch the glittering ruby then have it replace my insides making it impossible for me to live.  Would I die happy? No matter how painful or dragged out, would I still fall to floor with a warm smile on my face? I think so. Physical pain does not compete with the pain of having the roots dug up from inside and taken away from you. There is no pain if the roots die with me, still attached. But then that raises another question, ‘if the roots die with me’, no roots can survive in dead ground which would mean I’d take its life with mine. Would I die happy? I’m not sure. The thought of growing together alive or dead is beautiful and in a small way perfect, but how do I know we will grow together in death, or grow at all. I don’t. Would the thought of it though still allow me to fall to the floor with a warm smile on my face? I hope so. I know, I sound selfish, but you’d be as greedy as possible if you had won something equivalent to all the money, peace and endurance in the world. It’s like being a puzzle and when you put it together you have to decide if you’ve created a picture of one or two. What would I say? One. It’s like a blood and flesh life support. I must admit it’s terrifying. Confusing. Confusing because you feel that this present is such as big part of you, that that is who you are, but is it? I want it to be. I never knew who I was before, I fell into any attention I could get, took refuge in a place that broke me in many ways, but I didn’t care because it gave me a story, created me as a character. Now, with the other part of the puzzle I am not character, I am woman.  Terrifying. Confusing. I hate to complain, I have something that people dream of, wish of, write about and kill for. Would I kill for it that is if I didn’t have it? I think so. Crazy? You’d do the same pushed so far. I was born already pushed and finding my light made me realise that, made me realise this is what people need and should want. You’d kill for the safety of your children, this is just the same. Would I kill with a warm smile on my face? I am not THAT selfish. Although I have never killed, so I do not know if I would enjoy it or be repulsed by it. I’ve heard men in black suits and cigar clouds that the first one is the hardest, but after…My curiosity used to imagine taking the hearts of men and women who helped my attention seeking place become my broken place. Crazy? No, just human. Now I am human. I feel human. I am calmer, collected and obsessed. I have the ruby that you do not, that you may never find. If you do, hold on to it! Adore it, worship it, bathe with it, cut with it, die for it. Crazy? You’ll never know till you get it. Would I die happy? For my legend of course.  I have it now and I’ve had it then so why not die happy, to say that I am a wizard, that I stopped time long enough to live years of my own length with what some people call myth.  When time begins ticking again, I will stop. Until then I will continue to ponder, how can I be so lucky? What did I do to make someone repay an unearthly debt as large as this? Would I die happy? Would I still fall to the ground with a warm smile on my face? Crazy? I think so.

END.

Original Words by Sonni Carpenter.

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